Bewitched (TV Series)

Which Witch Is Which? (1965)

Agnes Moorehead: Endora

Quotes 

• Endora : Where are you off to in such a hurry?

  Samantha Stephens : Shopping. It's Dollar Day.

  Endora : Is that good?

  Samantha Stephens : Marvellous. Everything's on sale. You can pick up some terrific bargains.

  Endora : Ah-ha... I suspected David wasn't doing so well.

  Samantha Stephens : Darrin, and he's doing just fine. Bargain hunting's a challenge. It's fun. It's a great pleasure for mortal women.

  Endora : Poor dears.

  Samantha Stephens : If you're not doing anything, why don't you come along? We can have lunch.

  Endora : Well, it might be interesting to see how the other half amuse themselves.

  [zaps herself into a new dress] 

  Endora : Do you like it?

  Samantha Stephens : Very nice.

  Endora : This darling is what I call a real bargain. Costs nothing.

  Samantha Stephens : Try it my way, Mother. It's the challenge of the thing. You'll see.

• Saleswoman : I only wish I had your figure.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  So do I. But the back, it's so conservative.

  Saleswoman : Well, I don't know. I suppose it could be lowered a smidgen.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  I think that would help. And why don't we lower the front. Say, two smidgens.

• Bob Frazer : [referring to Mrs. Kravitz]  Is she a friend of yours?

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  I hope not.

• Endora : [disguised as Samantha, to Robert Frazer after reading his book on "Helen On Troy"]  Of course, Helen was nothing like that. She had a face that would've sunk ships, not launched them. And knock-kneed.

  Bob Frazer : You must've loved studying history?

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  Living it was more fun.

• Gladys Kravitz : [Endora is disguised as Samantha and talking to Robert Frazer]  I haven't found a thing, but I see you have.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  Yes, and I wasn't looking.

• Endora : [Disguised as Samantha]  I take it you're a two-smidgen man.

• Elderly Gentleman : Excuse me, uh, do you have the time?

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  One thirty.

  Elderly Gentleman : Oh, that's exactly what I have. May I buy you a drink to celebrate?

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  You should be ashamed of yourself, sonny.

• Bob Frazer : How is old Dad?

  Endora : [Disguised as Samantha]  His watch works, otherwise he's a little rusty.

  Bob Frazer : Crude too, I bet. Probably offered to buy you a drink right off.

• Endora : [Disguised as Samantha]  You're a writer?

  Bob Frazer : You sound like my publisher.

• Bob Frazer : How are you on the Borgias?

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  The things I could tell you about Lucrezia.

• Bob Frazer : You have wonderful hands, Samantha.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  Hmm!

  Bob Frazer : And the longest lifeline I've ever seen.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  It runs in the family. You should see my mother's.

• Bob Frazer : You combine the wisdom of the ages with all that's modern and swinging.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  If you're ever up against it, Bobby, you can always write fortune cookies.

• Bob Frazer : Now, don't blame me. My cookie said to be more affectionate.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  Mine says, "Beware of chance meetings."

• Samantha Stephens : Oh, Mother, how could you have picked him, of all people?

  Endora : I didn't pick him. He picked me. I mean, you. Or, uh, us.

• Bob Frazer : Look me in the eyes and tell me that Darrin Stephens is the most wonderful man in the world.

  Endora : [disguised as Samantha]  Please! Not while I'm eating.